When I released The Harbinger’s Head back in 2018, I knew some questions were to be expected. But what I didn’t expect was the question I was asked most often of all: “Is there romance in this game?”

(For the record, no, there is not. At least, not at the moment…)

Looking back, though, perhaps I shouldn’t have been surprised. Romance in video games has come a long way from the days of collecting “romance” cards in the first Witcher game and some of the cringier early otome games from Japan—and the better developers get at telling love stories, the more gamers enjoy them. 

Of course, even with all the progress that’s been made, it’s still all too easy (and all too common) for developers to miss the mark when it comes to love and gaming. Not every video game needs romance, but those that do would do well to get it right—because there are few things more disappointing than a lackluster interactive love story.

The Role of Romance in Video Games

To get romance in video games right, you first have to be able to answer one simple question: what’s the point?

If the game you’re creating is about relationships, romance is obviously necessary. What good, for example, would a dating sim be without people to date? Of course, romantic video games aren’t limited to harem (or reverse harem) setups. Games like The Dragon’s Last Flight, for example, use player choices to explore the possibilities of a relationship between just two characters. Games like Last Day of June, meanwhile, revolve around telling a linear love story that can’t be changed—the point here is not for the player to tell their own story, but to discover that of the characters through making progress from one level to the next.

However, there are also more and more video games that aren’t about romance, but include it in the gameplay anyway. I worry that, in some cases, this is simply done in the hopes that it will draw in a wider audience (and therefore make the developer more money), because obviously the easiest way to rope in female players that might not otherwise be interested in your game is with a lovey-dovey courting subplot (insert eye roll here). This same flawed logic also assumes that male players don’t care nearly as much about romance, but might care about possibly unlocking nude scenes (insert another, more aggrieved, eye roll here).

It should go without saying that these are bad reasons to include romance in video games. You can also almost always tell when love has wormed its way into a game for the wrong reasons. It feels like a bad Photoshop job—it just doesn’t gel with the look, tone, or feel of the rest of the game. 

But this doesn’t mean romance should never be in games that aren’t all about relationships. Subplots and side quests about love and intimacy, when done right, serve one or more of the following purposes:

• Add depth to characters―perhaps showing us a different side of someone, or giving a character a chance to grow as the relationship changes them (for better or for worse)
• Affect the plot or the outcome—for example, a character you romance early on in the game comes back to offer a solution that wouldn’t otherwise be available during the climactic final confrontation
• Add depth to worldbuilding―seeing how two main characters court or interact in a romantic relationship can tell you a lot about the world they live in; for example, if two characters fear being caught together because their relationship is socially unacceptable or even illegal

In the very best cases, a love story in a game will serve all three purposes at once. Even in these cases, however, the best-laid plans may go to waste if the relationship feels lackluster or off-putting. So…

The Rules of Good Video Game Romance

There are exceptions to every rule, of course, but having played many a good (and bad) video game love story over the years, these are the rules by which most of the best stories abide. As with any writing rule, if you break it, you just better have a good reason why.

1. There should be some sort of challenge involved.

Note that this doesn’t mean every relationship has to involve the classic romantic comedy formula where the main obstacle is the couple’s initial dislike of one another. External forces may work to keep them apart (as Bowser does for Mario and Princess Peach), or it may be as simple as needing to get to know one another better before any promises can (or should!) be made, as is the case in many romantic visual novels.

One of my favorite examples is Hakuoki: Edo Blossoms and Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds, which combine external obstacles to romance with internal conflicts. Both the player character and the various love interests all have good reasons for being hesitant to enter into a relationship. Overcoming these obstacles makes the “good” endings that much sweeter to achieve.

2. Multiple romance options should not exist in vacuums.

While it wasn’t to everyone’s liking, I enjoyed the fact that in Witcher 3, there were consequences (at least to some extent) to pursuing more than one romantic interest in the same playthrough. It’s something I would like to see more of in video games with love stories, as it not only makes the relationships feel more realistic but could also provide interesting quest or side quest options.

For example, a quest could offer the player one last chance to win a character back after a major misstep—or an opportunity to come to terms with the consequences of their actions. (See also: the entirety of Braid.)

3. If the game isn’t over, neither is the love story.

One of the many criticisms of Cyberpunk 2077—one that I happen to agree with—was that romances seemed to fizzle out after the first time V and their love interest got in bed together. I, for one, was bitterly disappointed when I visited Judy Alvarez after one of the most beautiful video game dates I’ve ever been on, only to discover I couldn’t kiss her, much less do anything else with her. Even the conversation didn’t seem to go much of anywhere. It felt like our story was over, though it wouldn’t really be over until I finished the main questline much later in my playthrough.

At least in Skyrim, my in-game husband was able to accompany me on quests and stuff. With Judy, I just got one extra line of flirty dialogue that was exactly the same whether I called her on the phone or came in person to visit. Sigh.

4. If the relationship is an unhealthy one, make sure to treat it as such.

There’s nothing ickier than a video game romance gone unintentionally wrong. Everyone loves a good love story, where characters share not only mutual feelings but mutual respect for one another. If, instead, your protagonist’s love interest is controlling, jealous, cruel, obsessive, or outright abusive, that had better be addressed at some point. Maybe the result is a breakup, maybe not, but it should be clear to the player that you, the creator, are telling this story intentionally—and that your intention is not to portray it as ideal.

Catherine, I think, is an excellent example of a twisted love story about three very flawed individuals where even the hard-won “happy” endings are a few shades darker than a classic happily ever after.

5. Marriage is not always the natural conclusion of romance.

Now, I admit, I’m far from immune to the feels one can catch from a well-done wedding scene at the end of a long and lovely courtship. But especially for otome games, marriage (or a similar vow of everlasting love) is all too often simply used as a default ending, with little to no thought as to whether it is the best ending for that particular story.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen this addressed more beautifully than in Dream Daddy, an emotional rollercoaster masquerading as the silliest dating sim this side of I Love You Colonel Sanders! Not only did every romance route have a good and bad ending, but even some of the “good” endings still wound up being bittersweet. One relationship, in particular, has a lot of problems from the get-go—and I was pleasantly surprised at the way things didn’t work out between the characters even after they initially gave in to their feelings for each other.

6. Make it clear which options will lead to a romantic interlude.

One thing that frustrated me in both The Witcher 3 and Cyberpunk 2077 were those times when I accidentally found myself hooking up with a character I absolutely had no interest in pursuing. In The Witcher 3, it was Keira Metz. I liked her character and tried to treat her kindly, but apparently, I was a little too nice and had to reload a save to avoid an unintentional affair. In Cyberpunk 2077, it was Meredith Stout, who my antiestablishment nomadic soul immediately took a strong disliking to. I got a text from her to which I could only reply with a flirty-sounding answer, so I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised that our next meeting at a seedy motel went the way it did. But the thing was, I never had the option to say “no,” and my curiosity wouldn’t let me leave her text unanswered forever.

So what did I do? I reloaded the game—and then threw a grenade into her lap for good measure. (Which, by the way, allowed me to fail out of the mission and move on to other, better storylines. All’s well as ends well, eh?)

Don’t make your players attempt homicide just to escape an unwanted romance. Unless your intention is to force the player into a situation they don’t want to be in, be sure to always make it clear which options are romantic—or at least always give the player a way out.

Why Video Game Romances Matter

Getting romance in video games right isn’t just about making a good game. It’s about respecting your players, honoring the time they’ll spend in your world by providing a quality experience and a chance to connect with your characters on a deeper level. Especially in a world where social isolation is only becoming more prevalent, crafting love stories (and stories about other types of relationships) can help alleviate not just boredom but loneliness.

Video game romances aren’t any replacement for real relationships, of course. But playing through a virtual romance can help distract us from our loneliness, or teach us about healthy and unhealthy interactions, or even help us work through our own hang-ups or harrowing breakups.

Perhaps the most valuable thing a video game romance can do is remind players that love isn’t always easy, and it doesn’t always work out the way we think it will. Promises get broken. Sometimes just staying together can feel like a constant uphill climb. And sometimes, your princess (or prince) turns out to be in another castle. But in the end, the ending isn’t really the point. It’s the challenges that you overcame, the battles you won (or lost), and the memories you made along the way.

The Dragon’s Last Flight is a fantasy visual novel with a branching storyline that includes potential romance. Click here to play the demo for free! Or, if you’re sick of all the Valentine’s Day-themed lovey-dovey talk, go ahead and check out The Harbinger’s Head. As I keep trying to tell people, there’s no romance in that one. I promise!